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雅思写作

剑12中7.5分雅思范文对学生写作的启发

2017-07-14

来源:环球教育

小编:长安 846
摘要:

  近来,雅思届的其中一件大事情莫过于剑桥12的发布,环球教育老师第一时间拿到了正版的写作教材,并且对后面官方提供的分数段范文作了分析。在这些范文中,剑桥12Test7的范文是有一定的指引和启发性的,下面简单来写写。


  剑桥12 Test7大作文:

  In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believe that the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  For many people around the world, the preferred method of transportation is high-speed rail. Commuters travelling to and from work rely on the safety and efficiency, whill tourists appreciate the convenience and novelty that trains provide. Others believe that highways, busses, and regular trains should be improved before new, high-speed lines are added.

  Safety is cheif among concerns for those who travel to work or school on a regular basis. If one drives a car, they have to concentrate on the road not only to avoid accidents but also to prevent other drivers from causing a program on the road. High-speed rail allows the commuter to leave the driving to the professional controlling the train, allowing them to get some work done while getting to work safely.

  In addition, people tend to move further and further away from city centres, where land and houses are more affordable. High-speed rail allows these commuters to travel greater distances in a shorter ammount of time. There is a flow-on effect here, because if we can reduce the number of cars on the road, we can also cut down on traffic jams and road delays.

  On the other hand, high-speed trains are expensive, and some believe this money could be spend on repairing motorways which are used by cars, busses and motocycles. Another possibility would be to use this money to build more regular commuter trains and busses to service the ever-expanding populations. Moreover, boats and ferries could benefit from a budget which focuses more on existing forms of transport.

  In the end, public transport is an issue which affects us all. The taxes which we pay should be spend on the type of transports which will have the most benefit to all citizens. In addition, we need to take into account how much the environment is damaged by fossil fuels and pollution. Therefore, I believe in order to move forward, we need to embrace the idea of high-speed rail so that future generations can continue to live safely and efficiently.

  考官评语:

  This is a good response which would achieve an even higher score if there was more focus on large sums of money and on between cities. The writing is well organized and there is a clear progression throughout, although the use of some cohesive devices could be more flexible. There is a wide range of vocabulary, used appropriately and naturally, (preferred method of transportation,leave the driving to the professional,more affordable, ever-expanding urban populations, embrace the idea of ), but some spelling errors are noted (commuters, whill, chief, ammount, busses). There is a wide range of structurers an again, these are used flexibly, however there are occasional errors in punctuation.

  传统写讨论类文章的方法是,让some和other的比例平衡,然后给出相对中立的结论,这种写法曾经在笔者以前亲自考试的时候实验过,并且当时还不是老师的笔者能用这种写法写出7分。

  然而这篇7.5的文章,是反传统的:讨论some和other的字数差很大,而且自己的立场也是偏向于其中一边(need to embrace the idea of high-speed rail so that future generations can continue to live safely and efficiently)。

  因此,在让学生写讨论类文章的时候,其实是没有必要灌输一定中立概念的写法,对于某些some或者other方观点不好拓展的时候,应该果断让学生把讨论类的文章当成是辩论(agree disagree)的写法,这样反而让学生更好地发挥出水平,避免了生造自己并非太熟悉的素材。

  当然,在考试目标为6分或者6分以下的角度来看,一般难度下discuss的文章还是中立结论比较保险,因为这样可以让学生在结尾的地方用上属于自己的个性化中立模板,大大节省写作的时间。

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